You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
