I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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