I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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