Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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