I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
ttyl tear gas
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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