I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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