Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
