Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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