My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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