can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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