I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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