I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
