my vag is so smooth its legendary
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
