i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
