my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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