After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
