just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
