8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
