some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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