So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
