what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
