i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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