im six kinds of drunk right now
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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