the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
