Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
