in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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