She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
