My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
