Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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