Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Come share oat with me in your robe
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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