Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
