My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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