The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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