So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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