So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
