You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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