Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
