Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
