My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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