I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
