so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
