i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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