just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
