Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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