What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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