Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
