I think im going to throw up on grandma
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
