Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
