Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this beer tastes like vomit already
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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