People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
