Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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